Why do kids need to take dumps at the worst times

Warning. I am posting this directly from Riverside Park.

Why is it that kids only go to the bathroom when the available facilities are at their worst? It's like kids' bowel movements are inversely related to the cleanliness of the world's bathroom. Why can't they be mutually exclusive? Nasty bathroom, no dump. Instead, the closer the bathroom is to Iraq outhouse, the more they have to go.

Case in point: we're having a wonderful time at Riverside Drive. My friend Eli shows up. Myles needs to take a crap. Come on, Myles. We live in a beautifully clean apartment thanks to Kass (and Erica). Why don't you use those bathrooms? Why now?

Please send toiletpaper if you read this. There's none here. Oops.